What is Pegging?

Taking it like the man you are!

Pegging is when a woman performs anal sex on a man, using a strap-on dildo (with a harness). It is through anal play men experience stimulation of their prostate gland – a most enjoyable experience according to any man who has had the pleasure.  

Some say pegging is a new phenomenon; something only recently come to our sexual lives. The term has only been in our language since 2001, when Dan Savage Dan Savage hosted a competition to identify a slang term for the act of a woman f*cking a man.  

The act of pegging is not necessarily new – only more present in popular media. There have always been (straight) men who have been secure in their identity and sexuality to enjoy anal-prostate stimulation. One of the first scenes on television to reference a woman performing anal sex on a man was in The Sopranos, when Janice Soprano pegged her lover Ralph Cifaretto.   

More recently, the Comedy Channel’s Broad City addressed the issue in an episode when one of the leads, Abbi, is asked by her lust-object to peg him. A somewhat confused Abbi runs to the bathroom to seek advice from a friend. (Watch the Youtube clip).   

To Peg or Not to Peg……Excerpt from Broad City on Comedy Central   

Pegging is seen by some people as a cultural shift as the sexual taboo of anal sex was the domain of a man’s demands. Now women can help men cross another cultural taboo – straight men receiving anal sex. Culturally we have constructed anal sex performed on a man as “gay”. Yet as many gay men have known for years, anal sex can be extremely pleasurable due to the stimulation of the prostate gland.   

The prostate gland is a walnut gland located between the rectum wall and the bladder. Through anal play it is possible to stimulate the prostate gland and increase sexual pleasure. Read the earlier blog on anal play for men.   

For women, pegging can also be pleasurable. The rubbing of her vulva against the flat end of the dildo in the harness, the addition of small vibrating bullets that many harnesses are specifically designed to accommodate, or even using a double ended dildo for both partners pleasure. There can also be pleasure in the exchange of power experienced in crossing the cultural taboo and dominating and being dominated.  

Pegging Safely

Find the right dildo and harness. It is best to begin small and work from there. It is not about the size necessarily. Girth is more important than length. Start with a slender and small dildo in the harness.   Checkout Aphrodite’s Pleasure’s Harness range Checkout Aphrodite’s Pleasure’s Dildo range   

Lube and use plenty of it. Always use a water-based lube. There can never be too much in the beginning. A good water-based lube is not sticky and does not dry out quickly. I recommend Intimate Organics [https://aphroditespleasure.com.au/product-category/brands/intimate-organics/], especially Hydra [https://aphroditespleasure.com.au/product/intimate-organics-hydra-personal-lubricant-240ml/].   

Relax. It is important to relax. Tension in the body will result in tension in the pelvic floors, especially the anal sphincter muscles. May be some relaxing arousing/erotic touch. Stroking the glutes (buttocks) and moving towards the anal crevice and light touch around the anus. Do not forget the perineum – another good relaxing spot for many men.   

A good technique is to use the anal breath: Simply take a deep breath in and as you breathe out slowly imagine the breath travelling down through your body and out your anus. Another good technique to help with (initial) penetration is to push out slightly like you are about to poo. This helps the anal sphincters relax.   

Do not rush. Take your time. Both of you. As the insertive partner, ease into the action so to speak. Allow the receiver to get use to the feel. Slow, gentle soft moves are used in the beginning and build from here.   

Do not use a desensitiser. When you use a desensitiser you can run the risk of damage. The anal passage and rectum is made from tissue which can easily tear if you are too rough. When you use desensitise the area you will remove feeling. It is not just the risk of tearing – You will lose sensation and therefore enjoyment!   

Choose a position. Position is everything. For the first (few) times you might want to choose a position which is comfortable and gives some control to the receiver. At other times you might want to experience a deep penetration.   

Spooning is a good starting position. With both of you lying on your side the thrusting is minimal and it does not necessarily allow for deep penetration.   

Man (receiver) on top positions give the receiver grater control of the penetration. This is one of the safe positions I recommend to first-timers. The insertive partner lies on the bed with wearing the dildoed harness and the receiver straddles the hips and slowly eases the dildo into the anus. The receiver is able to control entry. Both parties can then later coordinate their thrusting to maximum effect.   

Missionary of sorts. The man lies on his back with a pillow (or pillows) under the small of his back with his legs pulled back or in the air. (It does depend on flexibility and comfort to what happens to the legs.) The insertive partner then can have clear access to the anus with the dildo.   

Doggie. The good old on-all-fours. This position allows for maximum thrusting and also is extremely enjoyable. Read more on Anal Play for Men {INSERT :LINK}  

Quick FAQS

Am I/is my partner strange because they want to have a strap-on dildo used on them?
 You/your partner is not strange. They are perfectly normal (at least in this sense). In my practice I am finding more and more men are engaging, or wanting to know how to engage in a variety of anal play. Men are more comfortable with anal play and allowing themselves to challenge the cultural taboos around being anally penetrated.   

Is my partner/boyfriend/husband gay if he enjoys me playing with his arse (anus)?
 Not at all. Anal play for men is extremely pleasurable. It is most probably the best way for maximum prostrate stimulation.   In fact, I would say he is being a real man! He is allowing himself to understand his sexuality and challenge the cultural ideal that (straight/real) men do not get penetrated. I would suggest celebrating you have such an in touch man!  

 Isn’t anal play, especially pegging, kinky?
 Not at all! So not every heterosexual couple is doing pegging. This does not make it kinky if you do. It is not exceptional or kinky for a man to enjoy anal play a d pegging. There are far kinkier things you could try!   

Why is pegging enjoyable for men?
 First and foremost I will say it is about prostate stimulation. Another reason is the change in roles and the experience of being dominated sexually. Especially when challenging society ideas about who does what. The exchange of power can be extremely fun, healthy and at times liberating.

Good sex is fun sex. Fun sex is enjoyable sex. Enjoyable sex is sane sex. Sane sex is (con)sensual sex. (Con)sensual sex is safe. Remember a Healthy life includes a healthy sex life.   

Enjoy! 

Dr Christopher   

Dr Christopher Fox is a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist at Sex Life Therapy in Melbourne. He has clinics in East Melbourne and Frankston.        

Disclaimer: The information contained in this document should be read as general in nature and is only to provide an overview of the subject matter covered. Please read product packaging carefully and follow all instructions.